I know Spanish dogs are a little stupid but what is the issue with chasing cars?

I own a house in a remote village in the Contraviesa Mountains and the locals are lovely but their dogs are retarded.

Every time, no matter how many times, I drive through the village the Dalmatian crossed with Satan insists on chasing my car.

I have driven three different cars, slowly, quickly, slyly and with the skill of Lewis Hamilton but this bloody canine does insist on running alongside my car.

It not only runs alongside but is so close you would think it was a tuning appendage to my front wing.

Recently I have started to have some fun with this poor deluded creature.

I find driving very, very slowly drives it insane. So for a start I started to drive at a snails pace past it and let it do its merry dance. That got a bit boring so I thought I’d spice it up a bit.

First I went for slowly followed by an intense burst of acceleration and when it caught up, face in the windscreen braking till it was way past me.

It took a couple of weeks before it learnt this one but I was ready with a new strategy.

Next I went for drive into the village and stop dead. The devil dog would stand alongside the car barking as if its very life depended upon it but I was made of stern stuff. Five minutes after the patience of a saint would have been exhausted I gunned it out of the village with the dalmation/whippet/satan cross left in my wake.

Satisfied with my technique I continued to torment the tool of Beelzebub for over 10 days before instructions on new tactics had reached him from the dark lord.

The new tactic involved standing in the middle of the road and barking like a banshee. No matter if I drove up to it quickly or slowly it refused to move. Obviously the dark lord had sussed I was an animal lover and would not run over his creation.

A new tactic was required.

I decided drastic measures were called for. I had thought about how its mentor would have briefed it so I had to break some cardinal rules.

I arrived in the village with son of Satan blocking my path. I drove up slowly to not arouse suspicion (you never know who’s watching)

Now was the time for my cous de grace. I open my window and offered out a large, fresh, tasty lamb bone.

SOS (Son of Satan) took the bait and came running, but did not stop barking.

As he grabbed the bone my plan was complete and never again would “SOS” bother me again.

How you ask ??

I had watched a program about dog behavior by a guy who called himself “The Dog Whisperer” and he endorsed a whistle to re-enforce bad behavior.

I couldn’t find a whistle but the air horn I owned did the job really well.